GAZZILION DOTS

Anaesthesia describes the feeling of being deeply lost and trapped in an emotional dependency. It compares this condition to an addiction. The person displayed is fully aware of everything that’s going on, but still doesn’t have the strength to escape the situation. This makes her feel overwhelmingly numb and helpless. Anaesthesia tries to visualize exactly that feeling. The painting includes some symbolic meanings, like the dragonfly which represents her intuition, which constantly tries to warn her. The frog stands for transformation. He is hiding under a lily pad, waiting for her to wake up and change her life. It’s like a snapshot right before she finds the strength to break out of the cycle and get sober.

You probably know her – Medusa, the rage full Lady with snakes on her head instead of hair. The one who turns everyone into stone if their eyes meet. The one who got disowned by people, who became a monster out of her anger. The medusa that I have painted was also betrayed by the people she loved, but she decides to become the opposite: a stronger woman by turning into an even more loving and warm person. The message of the painting is actually that no matter how dirty some people did you, never give them the power to make you become bitter. Take it as a lesson, move on and become the best version of yourself. That’s the best revenge (and their hearts are already made of stone anyways, so…).

Lust for life has a strong message: Get out there and live your life to the fullest. Feel yourself. Show off yourself. Blossom like a flower. It is also based on the idea of a traditional still-life painting from the baroque time and includes the „vanitas“ thought, but in this contemporary version it’s more about the vibe that you should use your time, because time is precious. This painting is also made of symbolic character. The lilies represent strength, while the poppy flower show a sensitive side. The painting has a very sensual appearance, but it’s actually more about feeling alive and personal freedom.

If you look at this painting, you may think you see a romantic love scene. It may appear to show a passionate kiss, but actually the creature on the right-side corner is sucking the life out of his supply. Parasite is about a one-sided relationship, where one part is giving everything to the other, until there is nothing left from the person who is constantly giving. Like the title already says, it’s about parasitism, but in a human form. Two individuals find each other and think they found their better half, the perfect fit. It seems to work for a shot time, but the truth is, that only one person is getting real love, while the other person is emotionally drained until there is nothing left. Then the parasite moves on and is getting new supply, a new source. He is like a dark shadow, who cannot exist without his light source(s).

This is a self-study I made after I broke out of an unhealthy relationship, where I lost almost all of my self-love and self-consciousness. I tried to get an intimate and unadulterated view of myself, so I put an iPad on the floor and photographed myself in the weirdest positions. Then I took these photos as my drawing references. While I was painting the motifs of my own body, I realized that I actually don’t look that bad. That I like what I see. Even in position where I normally would think I look like a freak, I somehow found beauty within my lines and figure. It made me proud because after everything I’ve been through, deep down I still loved myself.